Running Free: My Mom

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

I am Angry

Life has been crazy lately. Blogging has been the last thing on my mind.

Running has been going well. I feel good and I have gotten in a few good quality runs. On March 28th, I am running Lake Sonoma 50 mile so I hope I have a good run there.

I am full of all kinds of different emotions today: anger, resentment, sadness, loss of control, chaos. My mind is spinning and my heart is heavy. My Mom is sick. It's hard to even say the word.... Cancer. There, I said it. I wish it would go away. I feel sick inside. I don't want my Mom to be afraid or to feel pain. I only want a perfect life for her. Stress can make you sick. Cancer sick, I don't know. I suspect lingering stress can cause disease which is exactly why I don't want it bottling up in my body. It has been, though, and I must find a way to release it. I want absolutely no part of sick. I think I will go out for a run.

Cancer insists on its own time. If you try to defy it, it can break you, physically and spiritually. It doesn't know deadlines and vacations, it doesn't care if you are old or young. Cancer is analog in a digital world. If you have a Type A personality, you will need to adjust to Type C-for cancer. Each phase of the disease, diagnosis, surgery, radiation and other treatment- carries its own distinct sense of stepping outside traditional time, its own bitter flavor of dislocation. Cancer has a way of sneaking into a perfect world and silently taking up residence. Cancer sucks, and I hate it.

Friday, January 2, 2009

With less than a month before TCC, I am preparing myself for an amazing adventure. We are required to bring a 24 gallon "action Packer", a large lockable box, to put everything in that we will need in the race. Figuring out my fuel needs and how much of this and that I will need is difficult. Taking care of my feet, fuel and hydration needs, and recovery are going to be very important. Trying to plan ahead for what I may need is crucial.

Tomorrow is a LONG run of about 10 hours. It will be slow, with the emphasis on, "time on my feet." Hopefully, the weather will hold out and the rain will wait until Sunday.
We will start at Rodeo Beach and proceed from there.

Happy New Years to everyone! I am assuming that you are starting to think about goals and races for this coming season. As usual, I want to continue on my path to good, if not better, health. I have a few personal goals too. Trying to be a better person certainly is one of them.

I will keep you posted on my race plans for TCC for those of you who are interested. Have a wonderful day tomorrow!

Not Even Lupus Can Slow Ridgway

NOT EVEN LUPUS CAN SLOW RIDGWAY Published on June 26, 2004 © 2004- The Press Democrat BYLINE: BRUCE MEADOWS Three years ago when she was diagnosed with lupus, Kelly Ridgway didn't take much time plotting her course. ``I figured I could lay on the couch and be a drug-seeker for pain or I could choose to be as healthy as I can be,'' said Ridgway, 46, an outpatient surgery nurse at Santa Rosa Memorial Hospital. Ridgway, defying the odds, is entered in the Western States 100 Endurance Run, which starts at the base of Squaw Valley at 5 this morning and ends 100 miles away in Auburn. ``I see people at the hospital in horrible shape because of lupus, but I realized I had a choice how to deal with it,'' Ridgway said. Lupus is a chronic auto-immune disease affecting mainly women. The immune system attacks the body's own tissues as a foreign substance, producing antibodies to fight it. The cause of the disease is unknown although research has shown it occurs when a specific set of susceptible genes is exposed to a combination of environmental factors such as infectious agents, certain drugs, excessive ultraviolet light, physical trauma or emotional stress. Ridgway said she has been a ``serious runner'' for 14 years and has also competed in 50- and 100-mile events on horseback. She started running to get in shape after the last of her three children -- Caleb (18), Chelsea (16) and Courtney (14) -- were born. ``I've found I really love ultras,'' said Ridgway, a single mother who graduated from Montgomery High, then earned a nursing degree from Santa Rosa JC. Dr. Lisa Kremer, Ridgway's rheumatologist said, fatigue is the most universal symptom of lupus. ``For somebody to run 100 miles with an auto-immune disease is incredible.'' Ridgway first experienced flu-like symptoms, then fatigue. ``But when I started having problems with cognitive stuff, I knew there was something more to it.'' She was having trouble doing simple math or even finding her way around town. ``I thought of all sorts of things, including a brain tumor,'' said Ridgway. Ridgway has been training with Santa Rosan Karen Hanke, 42, and Suzanna Bon, 39 of Sonoma. This is the second Western States for Hanke, who finished last year in 29 hours, 47 minutes, running the last 70 miles on severely blistered feet. It is the first Western States for Ridgway and Bon. Because of the glut of applicants -- more than 1,000 annually apply for 400 spots -- runners must not only qualify with an acceptable 50-mile run time but also get lucky by having their name drawn by lot. Bon, whose goal is ``just to finish although I'd love to do it in under 24 hours,'' is impressed with Ridgway's effort. ``Kelly is strong and smart about training,'' said Bon. ``We'll run at our own pace this weekend, not together, but we want to do the best we can.'' Ridgway sees herself as a runner who happens to have lupus. ``My case is relatively minor and medication has really helped,'' said Ridgway, who logs 75 miles a week. ``But I don't know anybody with lupus who runs as much as I do.'' She has bouts of fatigue and deals with them. ``There are days I am really tired and need to come home and rest for a while,'' she said. But this weekend there will no place to rest. ``I'm not the type to quit,'' she said. ``I will persevere.'' Kremer said people with lupus react differently to the disease. ``Some have a real tough time with it and others take it as a challenge,'' said the doctor. ``In general, a disease like lupus provokes self-evaluation ... some patients look at it as a way to straighten out their lives, physically and socially.'' Kremer said most lupus patients with a positive outlook exercise to some degree. ``For them, making an effort is a personal victory.'' Ridgway, who left for Squaw Valley Thursday, has been on the Western States course before, having competed in the Tevis Cup horse race and also working the run the past two years as a medical helper. ``It's beautiful ... I fell in love with the trail,'' she said. ``I'm excited but not nervous.'' Ridgway will be tested following the race to determine how running 100 miles affects a lupus patient. ``I know I am capable of doing this.'' She likes to run, even 100 miles, because it makes her feel healthy and alive. ``Maybe in some ways this will speak to people who are trying to make choices,'' she said. ``You can push ahead and take charge of your life.''