Thursday, November 20, 2008
I ran alone today
I ran alone today and loved every minute of it. I have become so use to running with friends that sometimes it is hard to get myself up and out the door to run by myself. It was a cool, damp, and foggy morning and the air was so fresh that it was exhilarating. My feet moved quickly and lightly as I ran along, careful of the Newt's that were out enjoying the damp trails. I ran without my ipod and enjoyed the sounds that I heard and it made me more keenly aware of the deer and the squirrels that live in this park. I was reminded how much I love running alone today. I reflected on my life and even shed a few tears.
I ran past the spot where my best friend in High School was murdered by a psychopath in 1978. She was 21 years old. I wondered how her life would be now if she had been given another chance at life. I was on a road trip in Iowa with my Mom and siblings when my Dad called to give us the horrible news. I will never forget that day.
I thought about my health and how lucky I am to be so fit. I thought about what makes us who we are and how I have gotten to this point in my life. I thought about the love I have for my children. Yes, I have spoiled them. I have spoiled them because I have loved them so much, that I want them to have everything I had and everything I never had. When you have children, it seems that you just can't give them enough. So you love them, and then love them some more. The love is so deep that it can take your breath away.
I also thought about my diet today. I am eating low carbs and enjoying every minute of it. I have found that a low carb diet makes you less bloated, more lean, and makes you feel damn fast. Yeah, it's true. I feel really fit right now and I am pretty sure it's this low carb thing.
Today I thought about my dad and that the anniversary of his death is quickly approaching. He was only ten years older than I am right now, but he really died long before his real death. (Does that make sense?) He was a man who had it all and then lost it all. He was loved by everyone, and then he became almost unlovable. Alcohol can do that to a person. Vodka was his lifeline and it led him to his demise. I know I have talked about this before on my blog. I don't want to be redundant, but it is an important message that I think is crucial to talk about. Substance abuse of any kind ruins lives. Not only yourself but everyone around you. Am I angry? You betcha I am. I got screwed out of having a father who was "there". My parents split up because of alcohol. I feel cheated, letdown, and empty at times because of what alcohol did to my family. My father was powerless to the addiction to Vodka. He became a person he never wanted to become. I hate that his life was cut so short because of a clear, odorless poison that ruled his life. I tell you all this story, because it is what I think about when I run. If it helps anyone to take a look at their life and change things for the better, than I have made a difference. I am who I am because of what my life has been made of. I was so lucky to have been so loved as a child. Both of my parents made loving us a priority, just as I have done to my kids. We could not have been loved more. I am thankful to my Mom for providing that balance when my Dad could not love us enough. I know I am rambling. Sorry.
Lastly, I thought about how lucky I am to be a runner and to live in such a beautiful area. I am so happy for my health and I was reminded yesterday at work when two of my patients under 30 years old, had Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Take a moment and reflect on your life. Change the things you can and make a conscious effort to change the things that you might think are unchangeable. Make today count. Start exercising and eating healthier. Stop smoking, drinking or whatever your vice is that is keeping you from being the best you can be. We are given today. That is all we know for sure. Happy trails, my friends.
Listen to those inner signals that help you make the right choices-no matter what anyone thinks.